


Fen'Harel Enansal

by FadeKiss



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-23
Updated: 2015-06-13
Packaged: 2018-03-08 19:12:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 15,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3220253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FadeKiss/pseuds/FadeKiss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A/N: I hold Solas and Lavellan very close to my heart. I hope this story doesn’t disappoint….<br/>This is a bit of a cross-over work... (“Searching for their Star” - https://www.fanfiction.net/s/218796/1/Searching-for-their-Star) that is told to Lavellan by Solas in Chapter 7 is inspired by a fanfiction I wrote years ago for the game Chrono Cross.</p><p>I hope it doesn't disappoint..</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue- Lies by Omission

**Author's Note:**

> I'm new here and am still not totally sure how the posting system works. I did my best to consider the different places my work could be taken to. Please let me know if I need to change anything in terms of ratings or maturity level...

Fen’Harel Enansal  
By FadeKiss

 

Prologue

~Lies by Omission~

I am old. These eyes have seen a great many things. This tongue has directed many travelers toward - and away from - power. I have seen the tide of power shift many, many times. Most times, those who seek power ultimately seek the ability to condemn; to solve and shut away their problems by force. They earn that power through deception, manipulations of the tongue and body.

It takes a rare wisdom of the heart and spirit to seek power to correct mistakes through acts of humility and service, rather than make them disappear by force. 

There is no word for 'forgiveness' in the Elven language. It is quite telling. Instead, the wounded party is addressed with a phrase along the lines of 'Ir abelas', 'My sorrow', referring to regret surrounding the actions or words that have been carried out to wound them. Instead of relinquishing them of blame through forgiveness, the elves pass sorrow and pain to and from each other, cutting themselves down through shared anguish and shame. It is ingrained in the culture. Of all the forms of slavery that exist, the inability to express forgiveness is truly the cruelest.

Pain is a primal evolutionary trait, an ancient concept meant to guide all who can feel, away from actions that may further harm them in the end. A shield from (unnecessary) suffering, if you will. Personal pain, the consequences of our immediate actions, helps us to grow effectively. If allowed time to reflect and feel remorse, the pain will subside and the damage will repair itself. It is also meant to serve as a stark differentiation from pleasure.

But it seems a popular notion in all cultures: create and subdue your enemies through the abuse of their pain—by making them aware of their mistakes, and not forgiving. Twist their pain and remorse to your own end, to further your agenda. Pain is a currency, in its own way, as those who master the pain of others have the ability to control them, to offer a false means of removing that pain, hope of relief and forgiveness.

Everyone errs. It is woven into the fabric of life. Holding pain over a person - instead of letting them redeem themselves, giving mercy and forgiveness - creates resentment and shame. It is only natural to want to avoid being shamed. And so lies are created to bridge the gap formed by the actions that caused this pain. This leads to pride, to recklessness, which in turn creates more pain. The cycle is perpetual, and not easily broken.

There is another kind of lie, however - a more sinister form of deception, which is not often addressed and is often overlooked. That is the art of half-truths, lying by omission. A deft tongue can excuse itself from any situation with enough incriminating detail removed.  
It leaves a painless mark on the victim, excuses them from dealing pain, making the wrong-doing unrecognizable. It leaves the foundation of any actions based in truth on unsteady ground. Scars, though ugly and marring to some, are reminders, visual cues. They are meant to prevent that same kind of wound from occurring in the future.

But I am assuming your ignorance. I apologize. I am speaking mostly from a place of regret because of my nature. I do not mean to lecture. This is the first time I have expressed this pain outside of myself. Given my speech, I'm sure you can understand why…

I still do not completely understand my circumstances, and am struggling to do so. For the moment, all I truly know is that my recklessness endangered the world needlessly. I am a fool, and I hurt many I cared for…

 

~Enansal~  
I am called Enansal. I am first to the Keeper of Clan Lavellan in the Free Marches of Thedas.

In my language, my name refers to a 'gift' or a 'blessing'. A cliché, I am sure, especially if it were to next be told that I managed to pull the world from the brink of utter chaos. Many who have children consider them a blessing in their lives. Thus, I do not equate my name or its meaning in any way with divinity; nor do I equate my actions with an invisible, guiding hand. Though those who would tell my story might do so in my stead— for dramatic effect, I would guess.  
My clan had an unusually close relationship with humans, though mostly, our dealings were through trade. While I've experienced the intolerance of my people, I have tried very hard not to let this particular ignorance turn me hateful. Retaliating is a poor strategy, as it often leads to an exchange of defensive strikes that, in the end, wound everyone and solve nothing.

That much could be seen in the conflict that raged between the mages and Templars. Open war had broken out about a year earlier, prompted by an act of rebellion by a fanatical mage, who was driven mad by the Chantry's oppression of magic users.

Word of the terror he caused spread like wildfire, and opened up a window for opened fighting from both sides. Their war was ravaging Thedas. It was a source of great worry, and even greater sorrow for those who witnessed it. As a user of magic, myself, I was very wary of the movements of these two groups. I kept my guard up, and my usage of my talents to a minimum.

Just when it seemed that the fighting was at its worst, an olive branch was extended to both sides by the very organization that had set the stage for conflict in the first place. Much of the talk about this upcoming gathering seemed to hold a cynical edge. Some called the Chantry 'hypocritical', or worse.

But when the news reached me, I wondered if perhaps the Chantry was finally attempting to right a very grievous wrong they had perpetrated long ago. Personally, I was almost hopeful. My close friend, Aeony, and I discussed finding a way to attend the Conclave as members of the congregation.

My keeper was sensitive to the tides of this conflict. Before Aeony and I could make plans, she tasked me with attending the Conclave as a spy and informant to the Lavellan Clan, alone. A high honor, indeed. Very rarely does she find it necessary to involve herself in human affairs. I refrain from using the diminutive insult, popular in my tongue, 'shemlen'. Disparaging all humans condemns those who seek to carry out good to the same fate as those who wish to impart madness. I know there are shades of grey, in all races and cultures.

I wish more people were of the same mind.

But in Thedas, where the majority of its inhabitants hold some connection to a Maker, a creator… it is nearly impossible to find that kind of acceptance. Much of the dogma surrounds the existence of the Veil, an invisible magical barrier that separates the world from the land of Dreams, or the Fade. The Fade is home to spirits, and dreamers, and demons. It is as fascinating as it is treacherous.

I am sensitive to both—the Elvhen Pantheon, and the Maker. I am still not quite sure why. I would have thought that growing up in a Dalish clan would have precluded all interest or knowledge in Andrastian religion. Many Dalish are introverted, stubborn - prideful even. But my wandering mind felt it wrong to not explore other beliefs. 

In most cases, I would prefer not to be asked about my ideas on the metaphysical. There is a sense of betrayal on both sides, no matter what I believe, both within and out loud. And the whole concept of religion - its entire purpose, is to deem those beliefs 'good' or 'bad'. Really it's just shorthand for 'who is the most easily hated?' or 'who is the most inferior?'

In all honesty, I hold neither so sacred. History, culture, and lore surrounding these beliefs are much more important to me. For everything that is written on the ancients, all the myths and apocryphal tales that have circulated throughout the ages, there must be some truth behind them which led to their present day survival. Granted, every fact casts a different shadow depending on the angle of the light, causing reflections like a many-faceted gem. There is no unanimous agreement on any front, even among the most stringent and devout believers. Stories are told and retold with details added or missing, to fit the context of their telling. The additional notion of the Fade adds a dimension of murkiness and confusion to an already uncertain past, and leaves plenty of room for interpretation, and scapegoating.

I expect my story to be treated no differently in the years to come.


	2. 2. Ena'las, Isala Vir...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do you really want me to spoil it for you? :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I hold Solas and Lavellan very close to my heart. I hope this story doesn’t disappoint….  
> This is a bit of a cross-over work... (“Searching for their Star” - https://www.fanfiction.net/s/218796/1/Searching-for-their-Star) that is told to Lavellan by Solas in Chapter 7 is inspired by a fanfiction I wrote years ago for the game Chrono Cross.
> 
> This is 2 chapters in 1. :) Cause I like you guys *heart*

1\. Ena'las, Isala Vir…  
(Emerging from the dirt,  
in need of a path)

As told by Enansal:

I have recounted the beginning endless times in my mind. There are still many, many blurred images that I have yet to decipher. But I will try to piece together what I have.

I remember nothing from inside the Conclave. I remember not what I wore, whom I spoke with, where I hid. I only remember catching a glimpse of Divine Justinia. I knew my name, Enansal, might be coming on a bit strong, especially amongst a gathering of the Chantry. And so I chose another, Esviya.

And then, an explosion rocked the Conclave. Everything went black. I felt things shifting around me, but could not see anything. I finally came to, and found a strange glowing mark on my hand. The smoke, and the echo of the massive blast… I was conscious only a moment, before things went black again.

 

I awoke in a dungeon in manacles. I sat in disbelief, watching with bewilderment as the mark shifted in my palm. It didn't feel like anything was there. Soldiers entered, and I was interrogated. I was led outside by a Seeker named Cassandra. She showed me the eerie, menacing hole that raged in the sky. She explained everyone who attended the Conclave was dead, and that I was the lone survivor of the blast. For that reason, I was suspected of being a terrorist and massacring hundreds of people. In the same breath, she mentioned the Breach, and the rifts that had formed from the explosion, and that some theorized that the mark on my hand, held the power to heal the heavens. 

There were many smaller rifts that needed to be closed. She pleaded for my help.  
I could tell she was still suspicious of me, and that made my voice waver. I did not want to condemn myself, but I was unsure of what had happened. I asked a few questions, fearful that I would be her prisoner forever if I did not hear the other side of the story. She answered my questions more calmly than I had imagined, as though she wanted to know that I was informed as best as possible. I told her that I understood, and that I would assist her. Neither her disbelief nor her gratitude could have been more apparent.

She led me through the valley, explaining what others had witnessed, and how the people needed someone to blame for the tragic loss of life, and the danger that now threatened the world.

Every once in a while, the Breach would give off a massive pulse and cripple me with pain. She warned me that if I lingered, the unstable mark might very well kill me.

We were attacked by demons on the path, and I found a staff. I only joined the fight because I knew that Cassandra needed help fending off the demons. When she told me to drop my weapon, I complied... and that made her reconsider. She allowed me to keep it, and shared some health poultices with me. Was she beginning to trust me?

She got me to the smaller rift, where others were fighting demons. The rift looked like a cluster of shifting green crystals, hovering above the sky. And it was spewing demons.  
As the last of the demons was defeated, an elf fighting at our side took my hand and pointed it at the rift. And the power that streamed from my hand shattered the crystal cluster.

 

2\. Stability  
As told by Solas:

She was remarkable, and a very welcomed sight. After she closed the smaller rift with the Mark, it seemed clear that my hypothesis had been correct. It was a relief to know that there was some way back from this seemingly impossible mess...

Varric and I introduced ourselves. We were able to come up for a breath. It was interesting to see that the Dalish girl didn't notice that we all seemed to know each other to some degree, from beforehand.

She introduced herself in return. Her name, she said, was Esviya. She was quite beautiful. Her mahogany hair was up in a neat, elaborate ceremonial braid; her features pointed, but also very soft. Her eyes were the color of freshwater pools - a gorgeous shade of blue-green. Her face was marked with a vivid purple vallaslin that ran down her cheeks, chin and neck.

I noticed she carried a staff, and that brought me a strange comfort. Since we were both technically apostates, it meant that I was safe for the time being. If Cassandra would keep her around, she would also have to keep me. And since I was coming to understand the magic she bore, we were both somewhat invaluable.

The four of us made our way down the mountain face, toward the forward camp. We encountered more demons. She would mostly use standard magic. Only every once in a while would she use an elemental spell. And she'd position herself so that she was both in range of my protective magical barrier, and close enough to help Cassandra, who was fighting directly with sword and shield.

I asked her about being Dalish. She tried to be respectful, but ended up coming off condescending. I guess it was understandable, as we had just been acquainted.

Varric asked if she was innocent. Not in an accusing tone; more out of curiosity. And she said she wasn't sure- that she didn't remember what had happened. Oh, the poor soul thought what happened could have been her fault. Probably related to her Dalish upbringing…

There was another rift at the entrance to the forward camp. She seemed to know what to do. And we gained another moment to breathe.

We made our way across the bridge to check in with Leliana. She was with a Chantry Brother, who she introduced as Chancellor Roderick. I could tell he was fearful, but he was insistent that Esviya, a prisoner of the Chantry, be prepared to be sent to Val Royeaux for execution.

I listened as Cassandra and Leliana stood up for Esviya, even as they weren't sure who she was or her degree of involvement. Esviya also spoke up for herself, attempting to remind the Chantry Brother that the Breach was the most pressing issue. I'm sure she found it just as frustrating as I, that he would rather bicker about justice than address the real issue that was staring everyone down. Humans, from my experience, have very limited insight during times of crisis-- most likely stemming from impulse. I have met a few exceptions. Roderick seemed to be standing on his own, and quickly surrendered his authority to us.

It was mentioned that there were two ways to the Temple of Sacred Ashes, where the main Breach had originated. Seeing that it was the prisoner's safety that was most vital, we deferred to her judgment.

We chose to not throw ourselves into direct conflict, and opted to take the mountain pass. There, we were able to mount a rescue for a group of lost scouts, thought dead in the midst of the swirling chaos. The Seeker told those desperate, grateful souls that it was only through the prisoner's decision that they were able to clear a way to safety. Esviya took the credit most gracefully; with humility and relief.

We arrived at the Temple, the huge Breach hovering high above our heads. Leliana caught up with us again. This place was hemorrhaging memories of the events that caused the Breach. Cassandra, Varric and I, as well as Esviya, were given a glimpse of what happened in the moments before the explosion, through her eyes.

The massive rift that hung over us was closed, but not sealed properly. I suggested reopening it and then closing it correctly. Otherwise, we risked it splitting opened on its own, and that would no doubt make the larger Breach even more unstable - it might have even killed Esviya.

Esviya opened the rift on my direction, and a huge demon spawned. A demon of Pride...  
I was quite worried we would die right there. But she was getting comfortable in battle, and found moments in the fighting when all were distracted, and she could disrupt the rift long enough to weaken the high demon and its minions.

After the large rift was sealed, and the demons banished, poor Esviya collapsed again. This time, it was completely understandable. Varric, Cassandra and I made sure we delivered her safely to the nearby village of Haven, for observation. I, again, watched over Esviya while she slept, and aided the healer to the best of my knowledge and ability.

I was scared for her. She was an Elven mage, not what the people had expected. She had agreed to bear a huge responsibility to Thedas, on the backs of their accusing, merciless words; agreeing to heal the rifts with the mark she possessed, almost as an act of redemption for something she was not responsible for. While she slept, she became the 'Herald of Andraste', in the eyes of those who were too relieved to explain the situation with reason. I heard some invoke the name of the only Elf mentioned in the Chant of Light. I believe his name was Shartan?

Would she become the next servant of the Faithful's lore? From Scapegoat to Savior... The next living legend who took on all the responsibility that people refused to take for themselves, in order to set things right? That is what 'salvation' seems to look like in some of these tales.

It was good, however, that opinion about her involvement was starting to shift in her favor; and interesting that the Chantry was denying her, and her actions as holy. It had been hard to hear words of persecution directed at her. Especially, when they should have been directed at me. It is something I am quite used to...

If and when she awoke, her faith would be questioned, tested, measured by those who couldn't see what she really was. Of course, it did not matter who she was. It only mattered what she was to others...

She had shown herself to be a protector of the people; emerging from a rift in the Fade, and wielding an unknown magic that closed impossible holes in the Veil, and preventing doom from raining down upon us all. And now that the Breach was stable, so was she. Villagers would pass by her cabin with worry and concern - ask me how she was when they saw me leaving.

All I was able to say to them with any accuracy was "We will know soon. Let her rest."


	3. What exactly do I herald?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: MASSIVE, MASSIVE SPOILERS! THIS STORY DETAILS MY COMPLETE PLAYTHROUGH OF DRAGON AGE INQUISITION!
> 
> This is the story of my Lavellan, Enansal/Esviya, as told through different perspectives within the Inquisition- and how her choices and personality led her to her romance with Solas (which I hold very dear to my heart). Solas x Lavellan. This fiction is posted under the pen name FadeKiss on Fanfiction.net, which is mine as well (this version has been slightly edited). Dragon Age Inquisition, (and the characters used in this piece) is owned by BioWare (except for the story that Solas tells to Lavellan in Chapter 7- that is mine). 
> 
> Much love to all who helped me edit this story.  
> A/N: I hold Solas and Lavellan very close to my heart. This story is based off a fanfiction I wrote for Chono Cross- https://www.fanfiction.net/s/218796/1/Searching-for-their-Star.

3\. What Exactly do I Herald? (A Crisis of the Spirit)

As told by Esviya:

The 'Inquisition?' The 'Herald of Andraste?' What had I walked into? What had I stepped in? It all happened so quickly!

Rest had come, but in a fearful way. I had felt relaxed while I recovered, but there was little means of knowing whether I had died or not. I'm still not certain why I was able to sleep so comfortably. Some part of me must have known that I was in good hands.

But things quickly spiralled from there. I wanted to keep sleeping. I wanted this to be a dream. But mouths were moving around me, creating all sorts of stories about my past, the mark, my intentions, and the intentions of the new Inquisition I had agreed to become a part of. I had a feeling that very few people cared what my thoughts on everything were. I heard their whispers, their rumors about me, as I tried to dream.

By the Dread Wolf!

I knew that I did not believe that I was in any way guided by Divine providence. It was an anomaly of time and bad luck that put me in the position to receive the magic of the Rift. It would be an outright lie to believe for their sake. But I knew that if I didn't show some sort of outwardly doubt, if I didn't question the logical view of why this all had happened, that I would wound the hopes of people who needed to believe that I was sent by a higher power.

All of that nonsense precluded my own beliefs, my background. I decided that I would hold this anger in, and see if it subsided on its own. But it still meant that I was basically no more than a bandage to heal the rifts.

It seemed the only way to mark myself apart from this insanity was to lead through my actions.

Since our organization is so new, we've been trying to win over support from the people outside of Redcliffe by gathering small favors. Mother Giselle set me on this path, and I am grateful to have her support, and her ear. She seems to be willing to let me lean on her for the time being.

And Varric, Cassandra and Solas accompany me everywhere outside of Haven. Though I mostly listen, they all seem to be getting to know each other quite well. I am glad they are on my side, and even more so for their company...


	4. Not All Mortals Are Fools

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas describes his initial observations of Esviya.

4\. Not All Mortals are Fools

As told by Solas:

They were modest favors: returning a ring to a widow whose husband was struck down because the Templars thought he was a mage... Securing a source of food and warmth for the refugees of the war... Gathering herbs for healers to create tonics for the sick and wounded... But these small, considerate acts were slowly helping the land to heal, and gaining the Inquisition favor. Esviya was at the head of all these efforts.

I watched her with quiet admiration. She was too respectful of these desperate strangers, people who could have very well hurt or abused her kindness, or lashed out from distrust. From what I could tell, she mostly relied upon her deeds to spread the word and message of the Inquisition. At every opportunity, instead of advertising the organization, she told those grateful souls to go aid others. Her reputation was becoming more and more solid, and she hadn't even had a large success yet.

On top of the favors, she was also seeking to close the rifts that had spawned after the explosion. This lessened the fear of the Breach becoming unstable again. The people, seeing her actively seeking out these rifts, began to feel more at peace; as if life could possibly start returning to its regular rhythm. They started to donate supplies, resources and manpower to the Inquisition so that our influence could spread, and we could do more good for more people.

We were still associated with the Chantry as a footnote - still a fledgling organization, struggling for an individual identity. The people expected the truth about what happened at the Temple of Sacred Ashes and what happened to the Divine. It was important to Esviya, too, but service came first for her. She wanted to help as many people as she could; return a pathway for the blood of commerce to start flowing, and, most importantly, get people believing they could help her cause to be better than it already was.

I never thought I would be a part of such an effort. Aiding this cause, so far, has helped me attempt to relax. I feel like I am part of something that could potentially do a lot of good...

I found speaking to her at Haven most interesting of all. She was quite delightful to talk to. I have a feeling that she is drawn to me because I am also an elf. It would give me a certain comfort if I knew she trusted me for that reason. But I am most likely wrong. I hope that I am… I hope she trusts me as a friend...

I admit, I was a bit hard on her during one of our conversations about the Dalish - I attacked her for being proud of her heritage. But I think she handled my judging words in the best way she could. She apologized for any disservice her kind had done to me, to make me shun the People so. It was an unnecessary kindness from her that I was not expecting… If only she had been speaking for more than just herself… But I apologized in return for lashing out at her in impulsivity.

She is inquisitive. I can see it in her eyes - she likes asking me about what I know, especially about the Fade and the Veil. And I enjoy telling her. She does not waste words with me; she is very eloquent. She knows that the amount of time we have to recharge in Haven between missions is short, but she seems to seek out my attention quite a bit.

I ask her about my observations of her new hobbies since we settled into Haven: she seems to very much enjoy being a student of both the apothecary and the forge. She has crafted us some beautiful armor, and her health potions have a hidden sweetness to them that I've never tasted in anything medicinal. She enjoys gathering the materials for both by hand, and will sometimes stop during an important mission to pick up a bushel of mushrooms growing on the boulders, or a rock that has caught her eye. She is definitely not all business. It is refreshing, in its way.

Varric and Cassandra are also impressed with Esviya. She seems to have a good rapport with them both, allowing for the mood to lighten during our travels. How she accomplished getting on Cassandra's good side is a mystery to me - but it is nice that it translates to not having to hear Varric and her bicker so much.


	5. Valued Souls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Esviya describes the rest of the team, and the new members she's acquired.

As told by Esviya: 

We were starting to make strides. The Inquisition was real, after only a few months. I could tell that I was important to the Inquisition. I was starting to find myself again. I was so grateful to all who had gathered to help, and very happy that I was able to get to know them better.

Cullen was the leader of the Inquisition’s small army. A former Commander of the Templars, he had an insight into the mind of the Chantry, the Templar Order, and the conflict they had with the mages. He was a needed voice of caution and skepticism. I valued his opinion highly, even if I didn’t always agree with his sometimes overly-conservative evaluations. He was a good person, and I enjoyed talking to him, even though I could sense his slight caution around me. He also wasn’t bad on the eyes… at all...

Josephine was the Inquisition’s head ambassador. Sweet-tempered, quick-thinking, and people-oriented, she managed to get the Inquisition out of many tight situations. Her advice, insight and support guided me to make less rash decisions.

Leliana had a hard job that I did not envy. As our Spymaster, she was in charge of clearing a path for the Inquisition. Guiding spies, bards and assassins, she often suggested the quickest path through our enemies - sabotage. I did not agree with her or her methods very often. But it was a necessary aspect of dismantling our enemies, that I did not think to include. I often felt somewhat uncomfortable around her, but she was a sweet girl, turned dark by dark times. I wished I could help her find herself. 

Cassandra. Oh, Cassandra. She is impossibly strong. Over-bearing sometimes, and slightly aloof, but always meaning well. She is pragmatic, forceful and straightforward. I respect her a great deal. I am slightly worried for her, as she feels a great responsibility for invoking the Writ of the Divine to rebel against the Chantry. She and Leliana, both, are nervous about the path we will take.

Solas… I’m not sure what to make of him yet. He is polite, and witty. He is incredibly knowledgeable, and has every right to be proud of himself for earning his knowledge. I get an odd feeling from him, however. I think he feels as though he is an outcast. A lone wolf, almost? He is so used to being on his own...

He removes himself from our group in the manner by which he reacts to things. He gets confused and defensive very easily, especially if you are not direct or exact. He looks to pick apart your words-- not always to criticise, but to study what your mind is thinking, and sometimes to outdo you. 

He speaks many of his observations aloud. Sometimes they are invaluable, sometimes redundant-- and sometimes they are the kind of things that are meant to be observed silently...

If he disagrees with you, he can be brash, cruel even. I noticed it was only a very narrow focus of topics that agitated him. I don’t think he means it, and it is not very often at all that he does it. When it is brought to his attention, he immediately apologizes if handled in a delicate way. But disagreeing with him, quite frankly, is like taking an arrow to the knee. It is painful, and crippling, and you almost wish to just be put out of your misery.

He may have been hurt in the past. I will have to be gentle with him. 

All of this being said, I know he means well. I enjoy talking to him most of the time. And when he finds a time to smile, it lights up a very sentimental part of my heart. I will have to work with him. I wish him peace of mind, and the willingness to know that he is an accepted and valued member of our group. I would like to get to know him better.

Varric is great fun. He is the voice of reason, but also deftly calls out the bullshit. Talking with him softens my outlook on life. I could listen to his amazing voice on an endless loop. Maybe Solas could set me up in the Fade?

Mother Giselle, I know to be soft-spoken, kind and gentle. Wise, compassionate and open-minded, she is a breath of fresh air from the Chantry. Though I do not consider myself one of the Faithful, I have found myself confiding in her often, and seeking out her guidance. Her words to me are always measured, self-assured, and full of knowledge. I am grateful for her, and all the work she is doing for those in Haven.

When I first found out that Chancellor Roderick was staying in Haven, I was surprised and somewhat frustrated. He was my biggest detractor. But I am now starting to see his presence as a valuable thing. He keeps the balance of belief steady in Haven. Though he tends to look like a fool when he speaks because he’s not changing any minds - all who have gathered at Haven could have left if they disagreed with my stance or position. I do wish he would keep quiet a bit more, but I am not going to ask him to leave.

The villagers kept trade flowing and spirits high; kept Haven running. I had a new family. A new clan. Everyone had something to offer. It was incredible, and I was humbled by all the support we had, and were gathering. I never could have guessed that I could be this fortunate. I will always be thankful for them, for every day that they were with me.

***

The reputation of the Inquisition was growing, and my advisors thought it a fairly solid strategy to travel to Val Royeaux to seek aid from the Chantry Mothers there.

Perhaps we could make them see reason? Perhaps my addressing them could persuade them to take the Inquisition back under their wing?

I wasn’t hopeful, nor was Cullen.   
And it was not to be the case, at any rate.

Upon arriving at the capitol, word was brought to us by one of Leliana’s scouts: The Chantry was openly denouncing the Inquisition, and moreover, denouncing me. They were holding a gathering in the main circle, specifically to do so. The Templars were there as well.

Not that it mattered to me. I had never claimed to be anything but Dalish. And I was fairly certain that I could lead this Inquisition without the support of an organization so in shock, and so used to being in power, that they would seek to quell any voices that weren’t theirs. 

It was pitiful-- almost humorous.

But if there was any chance that I was putting the Inquisition in danger with my pride, then I had no right to laugh. I had many good people helping me, and I did not wish to burden them unnecessarily, or nullify all the work they had been doing for me. I would have to let go of my confidence and address the gathering, in hopes of setting things straight and possibly turning the tables in our favor. The effort had to be made.

They were holding that gathering as a means to arrest me. They didn’t even care to hear that I did not think myself the ‘Herald’-- they had just decided in their minds that I was the Divine's murderer. I stilled my heart and chose the words that I thought would help those most fearful. 

I told the Mother that I had never claimed to be the ‘Herald’. And I pleaded for her assistance in providing resources to close the Breach. I knew this was going nowhere… but I now had taken over her audience, and wanted those present to witness my attempt to reach out to the Chantry after everything that had happened. If they were going to take me down, I was going to return the favor.

I could see Solas was uncomfortable here, as a mage, and possibly as an elf. But I’d catch him giving me small nods of approval out of the corner of my eye. His subtle, thoughtful gestures reassured me, and kept me confident that I would get us out of this.

The Chantry had become so fearful, panicked, and defunct, that even its templars decided to betray them. They had been stationed there to arrest me, but they ended up turning on the Mother by resorting to violence. 

I wasn’t impressed. I asked them if their display was meant to be for me. 

They thought themselves superior to us all. That much was clear. Still, I knew that fearful eyes were watching all of us. I made my offer to them in the same tone that I did to the Chantry Mother. 

And they rebuffed me, just as expected. I used my most convincing argument, which was still only half-assed, because honestly, I did not wish to work with them.

It was their loss. I would have to deal with them later, surely. 

These people were vile and ignorant. This was a headache. I wanted to return to Haven as quickly as possible.

I spoke with the Chantry Mother more privately, after the Templars had shamed her and abandoned Val Royeaux. I offered her mercy, even though she attempted to slander my name and reputation. I even offered her a second chance to reconsider. But she was too righteous, too stuck in her ways to even see the door that was being offered to her.

It was worth several eye-rolls. But I left feeling better having at least tried.

***

 

After I returned to Haven, I learned that I had many offers from those who wished to directly aid the Inquisition. It seemed that word of the Inquisition had made its way not just through Ferelden, but also to Orlais. After investigating them all, I welcomed them aboard, gratefully.

I was told to seek out a lone Grey Warden recruiter named Blackwall, who was reported to be wandering the Hinterlands. My advisors were concerned about the disappearance of the Order from Ferelden, and sought him out to get his opinion of what could been happening.

A Qunari mercenary group, The Bulls Chargers, extended an invitation to me to see them fight. Their leader, The Iron Bull, wished to join my efforts head on. He was added quickly. I had a feeling about him. He seemed like he would be good company.

Blackwall and Iron Bull were honorable men, very serious, and hardened by time and experience. They were my rocks, my anchors. I found myself seeking their approval more than anyone else in the Inquisition, and feeling the most upset when they didn’t agree with my decisions. Thankfully, that wasn’t too often, and wasn’t to too severe a degree.

Next, I traveled back to Orlais to meet with two potential agents. A First Enchanter of the Circle at Montsimmard, Vivienne. She was formal, graceful, but drooling for power. I allowed her to join, however, as I thought she might give me some insight to the Chantry and magic users.

Sera, an Elven rogue, and one of the leaders of the Red Jenny thief network. She was a bit crude, but she very much wanted to help, and could offer additional spies. So I welcomed her as well.

Vivienne and Sera were two sides of the same coin. Vivienne represented power, affluence, and stability, while Sera represented the less fortunate, those riddled by a chaotic existence-- those scrambling to make a life that was worth living. I wondered if maybe recruiting them both would send a message, but that was not my first instinct.

Before leaving Val Royeaux, I was approached by a Grand Enchanter, Fiona, who offered the help of the rebel mages. She asked us to consider meeting her in Redcliffe to discuss the details. Having the mages’ assistance directly… that would be ideal. Something seemed slightly off about the invitation, however, and I remained wary.


	6. Not all Mortals are Fools (and The Darkest Path)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6 & 7.

6\. Not all Fools are Mortal  
As told by Esviya: 

I had been considering Fiona’s invitation very carefully. If we were able to gain the rebel mages to our cause… would that mean we would be responsible for protecting them from the Templars? Would the Templars turn their swords against the Inquisition out of spite? Would the mages trust the head of an organization that was associated with the Chantry, even if she were technically an apostate, herself?

If we had enough influence, we could shield the mages and give them the confidence to trust us with their safety. We could, essentially, end the war… give mages a second chance to prove themselves...

I would much rather work with them, than try to reason with the Templars, even though we had leads for both. I considered what it might look like to the Templars, to have an influential mage approach them with the hopes of ending the war, and gaining resources to close the Breach. Would they trust me?

If I chose that path, I would act so as to keep the Templars-- reform them, away from hunting the mages-- to buffer them. But that would still leave the fate of magic-users chaotic, as I did not have a means to work with them simultaneously - the way the Divine had. And there was nothing to say that the Templars wouldn’t strike me down if I somehow failed at the Temple. That was a dreadful notion, and steered me away from that course of action.

I had established enough influence to have the Inquisition forces clear a safe path to Redcliffe. I decided I would make my way there, to see what the mages had to say. 

Redcliffe Village was brimming with magic, and had seen many strange and fearsome things, especially since the time of the Fifth Blight. The Hero of Ferelden’s story included a tale involving Redcliffe, and it seemed that the time since saw very slow recovery from the madness that had swallowed the small village. Solas noted that the Veil had grown worn from the deaths since that battle. 

The rift awaiting us outside the Village gate was different from any I had encountered so far. It wrapped time around itself… bending and twisting it to its favor. Something was very off in this area. I had to believe that there was danger still lurking.

A scout met my party and I once the gates had been opened. He told me that no one had been expecting me, but that Fiona was willing to meet with me in the Tavern. That was strange… I had an invitation, from her. Someone knew I was coming… 

I took a few favors along the way, but arrived at the Tavern quickly. Fiona greeted me cautiously - again, not seeming to remember me from Val Royeaux. I tried to remind her, but something was definitely wrong.

Fiona apologized. She said that she wished to help the Inquisition but was no longer in a position to bargain. She had agreed to align with a Tevinter magister on behalf of the southern mages, in their desperation to find purchase to cling to. A huge mistake, in my eyes. She had technically just indentured all the mages of southern Thedas to Tevinter.

More slavery. More desperate souls needing favor and taking it wherever and however it was offered to them. It was tragic. The magister, Alexius, revealed himself finally, and seemed willing enough to negotiate for my cause. I did not like him. He was too eager to assist. 

We sat down to start talks, and Alexius introduced his son, Felix - whom he sent to fetch vellum and quill so that this conversation could be recorded. I asked him about the alliance.

 

7\. The Darkest Path (That Must Never Be Traveled)  
As told by Lavellan, Cassandra and Dorian

I cannot speak what I saw. It was unthinkable. I daren’t try to recount it for the fear that it might become reality. All I knew was that it was always something that I had to keep it in mind, so that I could recognize the signs, should I be traveling it later. I would work my hardest to stray from that path, but I could never know for sure if I was on it. Hopefully, my friends would help me.


	7. Each Night in Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A night under the stars between Esviya and Solas. (My favorite chapter)

8\. Each Night, In Dreams

As told by Esviya and Solas

A cold, clear night in Haven. Peaceful. While most slept, I made my way outside to look at the Breach. ‘Otherworldly’ would be an understatement when describing that thing, especially when it glowed so eerily against the pitch blackness of the night sky. It was nightmarish.

I watched it slowly churn above the Frostbacks with equal amounts of repulsion, and awe.

We were to leave at dawn with the mages, to attempt to seal the Breach. After today, it would most likely be over.

My breath caught, when I heard snow crunching behind me.

“We can’t afford to have you taken by hypothermia, Herald.” Solas’ voice smiled. 

“The last thing that I’ll let take me is the cold.” I smiled as I turned back to greet him. “That would just be anticlimactic.”

“And ironic.” Solas chuckled with a smile, noticing the near perfect pun I had unwittingly set myself up for. “In my sleeplessness, I saw you standing out here. I thought to bring you a blanket and a mug of tea to keep you warm. If you’re going to be out here, you’re to be protected.”

“Ma serannas, Solas.” I felt my heart flutter slightly. “I didn’t mean to keep you from sleeping.”

Solas held up his hand. “You are not keeping me awake… Please do not worry. I have my own matters that are preventing me from sleep.”

Solas stepped forward and wrapped the blanket around my shoulders, and then handed me the cup of tea. 

“You’re not having any?” I inquired. I sniffed the steam rising from the hot liquid. It smelled delicious.

“Not tonight, I wish to try for sleep soon. But if you are looking to have company for a little, I would appreciate if I could join you.”

“I’d like that.” I nodded, and sighed, watching my breath form in the cold. “If there’s anything I can do to help you sleep easier, please let me know.”

Solas gave a quiet sniff. “That is kind of you. I wish I could ask you for help. But it would not be right of me. You have your own ordeal to attend to.” His breath turned to heavy steam, and I watched as it rose and dispersed into the air. I decided not to press him on it. 

He shook his head. “I never thought to ask you about your stargazing. Are you alright, Esvi? I know you have been through a lot, and I know you to be quite pensive. I have watched you overcome much-- … I know all too well how heavy the world can get. I turn to the stars sometimes, when things seem overwhelming. And now, here is the Breach…?”

“It’s been a hobby since childhood.” I cleared my throat slightly and took a sip from the mug. It was a delicate elfroot tea. “It would be nice to share it with someone. Especially tonight…”

“Of course. But are you alright? You seem worried.”

“I am… worried. But if all this ends at dawn-- If we’re able to close the Breach, then yes. I believe I will be alright... Here! How rude of me!” I motioned, noticing him start to shiver slightly. “Come under the blanket with me, lethallin! You deserve to be warm as well.” I stepped back to him, and threw the end of the blanket over his shoulders. I cautiously wrapped an arm around his back to keep the blanket in place. He did not protest.

Solas’ gaze softened. I watched a small, coy smile form on his features. “Thank you...”

There was a moment of stillness, as we looked into each other’s eyes.

“...I... have a tale about the stars, if you’d hear it...”

“Of course...” I smiled.

“…Of the many I know, this one speaks to me most right now. It is quite dear to me... It is called ‘Searching for their Stars’.”

 

~  
Searching for Their Stars:

As told to Esviya by Solas

“A silver- haired maiden, a woman who grew up to be a mystic in her village, had a favorite star that she always tried to watch rise. It was a large, green-tinted star that helped create the constellation for the ax of a great warrior she admired from her culture’s tales. It was well-known that stars could sometimes fall out of the sky; but it was not well-known what happened to them. Some thought them to be spirits returning to earth as mortals. But even that explanation failed to describe why they disappeared.

One night, she went out to view that star, and it was gone from the sky. Distraught and panicked, she thought to look for it. But she did not know where to begin—how far she needed to travel.

‘You are my guiding star, and I will not let you leave me.’ She cried, as she boarded her rowboat and started to paddle frantically into the calm sea.

On the other side of that ocean, a silver haired young man, who carried an ax, was camped with his friends near a large valley. The man had a star of his own that he gazed upon every night. It was said that that star grew a foot in every direction each year, and it was representative of a Celestial Mother, embracing her children. The young man had lost his mother many years earlier, and had found great comfort in that particular star’s tale.

Just as the young woman could not find her star that night, nor could he. Feeling foolish, but also listless, he told his companions that he was leaving and would find them later.

And so the two distraught fools set out onto the ocean, which was free from visual obstruction on the horizon, to look for their stars.

After hours of rowing, the young woman grew pained and tired. She drew in her oars and let herself drift on the peaceful sea with her eyes shut.

The water grew rough for the young man, whose ship had been found in a salvage yard, and cleverly repurposed. A large wave came and tore his vessel apart. But he rode a piece of the wreckage to the surface and after a moment of searching around; found what seemed to be an abandoned rowboat floating in the water near him. He swam over to it, thinking to save himself, but never thought that he’d find it occupied. 

Beneath the horizon, the missing stars were drifting together.

The young woman had pulled in her oars. Because of this, he knew that she was still alive. He gazed upon her, and found that she met the description of the Celestial Mother in his tales. Awakening her gently, she confused him for the warrior who carried the celestial ax that her star was bound to.

The two strangers were wary of each other, but so desperate to find their stars that they kept talking until the sun rose, a crown of glorious sparkling stars upon its head, representative of the love they found by taking a risk, and searching for their stars.”  
~ 

Solas told his tale as though he were living it. His eyes were filled with wonder. “Just a silly story, for the road ahead.” He shook his head. “I have embarrassed myself with my foolish idealism. I should get to sleep.”

Solas shifted uncomfortably, but I would not take my arm off his shoulder.

“Thank you for sharing that, Solas. It means a lot that you would think to keep me in such high spirits. You told that story beautifully. I think I understand where it is coming from…”

“…You are the first person who seems interested in hearing my tales. It is both surprising, and refreshing--”

I blushed. I couldn’t help myself. “Please do not think that you are alone, Solas. Many care for you.”

“...Tomorrow, we end this mess.” He said resolutely. “Know that I am thinking of you, and wishing for your safety and success.”

With that, I turned and hugged him. I warmed his back with my arms. He wrapped an arm around my waist, acknowledging the sentiment. 

“Thank you for tonight.” He spoke gently into my ear. He cornered my cheek with his nose, warming it softly for a moment. “Ir isala ma’Falon... (I was very in need of a friend...)”

He gently let his hand drop from my waist, gave me a respectful nod with knowing eyes, and without another word, found his way into his cabin. I re-wrapped the blanket around myself and made my way back to my bed as well, sipping his tea along the way.

It was the first restful sleep I’d had in months...


	8. She Burns Too Brightly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cole worries for the Inquisitor.

As told by Cole

...Whispers. Stirrings. Hurts beginning to heal...  
The war is over?  
Yes. The land is slowly repairing.   
More eyes can shut at night.  
More comfort, less pain.

Her voice is the voice that brought the people to safety.   
Her hand is the hand that ushered the people to peace.  
She is the heart that brings the people together.

But she unseats Him.  
Removes the seeds of chaos, which He sought to sow.  
She shines, a beacon to those in need.  
Her successes are granting her the confidence to do more…

That means He can do less.  
And He does not want that.  
He does not think her a threat.   
He seeks to crush her, and all who follow her cause.

She must be wary.   
She burns too brightly.  
I can hear the murmurs.  
They speak confidently. They will destroy everything.

Vile, vicious, vengeful voices venture to undo her.  
To END her.  
Corruption and cruelty will find her if she does not turn down her lamp.  
Eclipse her radiance.

The enemies move assuredly, guided by her light.   
Knowing exactly where to find her.  
She is too bright. She trusts too easily.  
She does not know.  
She is not safe.  
Haven is not safe.  
Even that name is now too obvious.

Red. Red…. Red. Blood…?  
A sea of it.  
I must tell her to turn down her lamp.  
She burns too brightly.  
...I must warn her!


	9. Lit Candle in a Hurricane (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mysterious attacker charges on Haven, after the Inquisitor successfully seals the Breach.

As told by Solas, Cole, Cassandra, Cullen and Esviya

~Solas’ voice…~

It had seemed an impossible blessing that we had managed to reach this point with so little resistance... It was almost too good to be true. But the mages marched with us at dawn to the Temple of Sacred Ashes, just as we had planned. 

I had been expecting him to show his face, but he remained in the shadows. When I think about what I had done, the shame starts to follow me again. He had been merciful in that way-- staying where he was, keeping the Inquisition in the dark about my involvement. I could hear his smirking voice rolling around in my head. 

The Inquisition must never know what I had done. If they did, I might never be forgiven. I couldn’t risk hurting them with the truth. Especially Esviya. I have watched her be merciful to others whose crimes are less than mine… but... I know that I would remain the foolish trickster, as in the tales, who deals out of both sides of his mouth, and is never forgiven.

As long as they didn’t know, I could make this right. I had faith that Esviya would see this all the way through. And I would help her, protect her, she who bears the Mark. Perhaps the journey really would end today? Perhaps closing the Breach would prevent him from seeing his insane plans realized…?

Cassandra and I led the mages in charging Esviya’s Mark. We would soon find out if the work we had put in to get to this moment would pay off.

“Mages!” Cassandra called their attention to her.

“Focus past the Herald. Let her will draw from you!” I directed them.

Esviya stood statue still, gathering a pool magic from her own reserves. She charged the Mark, allowing the ripple of magic energy from the other mages to flow through her, and then reached up into the sky, releasing the energy. The mages’ power bolstered Esviya’s. There was a burst of pressure, that knocked everyone back… but when we looked up… the Breach had been shut-- a triumph… and a huge relief. But did we know for how long?

Cassandra told Esviya the good news. We marched back to Haven to celebrate. Things were too quiet. I remained wary. I did not believe this to be over.

***

~Cassandra’s voice…~

The mage had been correct! Solas knew that the Mark would be able to close the Breach! Oh, Maker, I am relieved beyond words. He has been an invaluable member of the Inquisition. Between him and the Herald… we must have been blessed. Something is needed to explain the events of the past few months.

Perhaps I am getting ahead of myself. There are still small rifts to close throughout Thedas, and we will need the Herald to stay on with us to do so. I also have a few questions… small ones, but they linger and nag at my mind, nonetheless. And the criminal that caused the explosion is still at large. After things calm down, we will have to open an investigation into this 'Elder One'... Varric had assured me that he was dead-- killed by him and Hawke...

For now, I will allow myself to try and celebrate. I shall check on the Herald. She looks exhausted, and I want to make sure that I thank her adequately.

***

~Cole’s voice…~

...No, Inquisition! Do not let your guard down!  
They are upon your doorstep!  
I am hurrying as best I can to warn you.  
This calm is false. A hurricane is brewing above Haven.  
It wishes to sweep you off the map, erase your very existence.

I will be to you soon. Keep your swords up!  
This is NOT over!

 

***  
~Esviya’s voice…~

Haven celebrates the closing of the Breach, and it was good that they had a moment to do so. But I am not ready to accept this victory. The sky has darkened considerably since we returned; thick black clouds started rolling into the mountains soon after we had returned. Definitely not the setting of a happy ending. The music, dancing, the drinking- while good for the spirits of the people, seems somewhat out of place. It is too still, and too dark around us.

I cannot claim to know what is coming next, but I am fairly certain that we need at least twenty four hours of calm before it will feel right to start rejoicing.

Solas had confirmed that the sky was scarred, but healed, Cassandra told me. She had found me outside the Chantry, watching the festivities quietly, and we spoke about the lingering rifts, and some questions that still remained. I was resolved to stay on with the Inquisition. I was here by choice now.

As we were talking, I heard shouting echoing through the valley. Alarm bells started to ring… lanterns were heading toward us, from over the other side of the vale! We hurried down to the front gates.

***

~Cullen’s voice….~

I knew this wasn’t the time to celebrate! We had just gotten word. Cowards, who marched under no banner, had waited until our guard had been dropped to strike.

The number of torches multiplied in seconds. We were being overtaken.

“To arms! We are under attack!”

We were in shock. It took a few moments to mobilize ourselves. We did as best we could. I met everyone down by the front gate.

***

~Esviya’s Voice…~

“I cannot come in unless you open…” A desperate voice came from the other side of the gate. I ordered the gate opened.

A young man took down an enemy soldier from behind. 

“I’m Cole. I came to warn you. I came to help. People are coming to hurt you. You probably already know.”

“What is this? What’s going on?” I cried.

“The templars come to kill you…”

“The Templars? Is this the Order’s response to our talks with the mages? Attacking us blindly?” Cullen cut in.

 

“The Red Templars went to the Elder One. You know him? He knows you. You took his mages.” He pointed to a ledge across the lake, where two shadows stood ominously, overseeing the invasion. 

“There.” 

As I was listening to Cole speak, I was trying to gather some sort of a plan. I would take Solas, Blackwall and Sera. Two mages, a warrior and a saboteur.

“I know that man. But this Elder One…?” Cullen said slowly.

“He’s very angry you took his mages…” Cole said with worry.

“Cullen. Give me a plan. Anything!” I cried. 

The air was growing suffocatingly thick with the smoke from the torches. I pushed down the fear that was welling up in my chest.

“Haven is no fortress. If we are to withstand this monster, we must control the battle. Go out there and hit that force. Use everything you can.”

He was referring to the three trebuchets lining the boundary of the village. 

“Mages, you have sanction to engage them.” Cullen addressed the mages. “That man is Samson. He will not make it easy.” He turned to the crowd. “Inquisition! With the Herald.” He rallied us. “For your lives! For all of us!”

I gathered my party, and led them west, toward the first trebuchet. The Red Templars were vicious warriors. We were tasked with keeping the enemy off the trebuchet operators, and thinning their numbers.

My heart was pounding in my throat. My focus, however, was razor thin. Solas and I took turns protecting the non-magic users, and each other. When the crowd had thinned out, we oversaw the loading of the weapon. Enemy reinforcements rushed in like blood filling a fresh wound. 

Finally, we were clear. The first trebuchet fired, setting off an avalanche across the valley, smothering a section of the attacking army.

We healed up our wounds, and found a cache of potions to refill our supplies. The next trebuchet was down past the forge. 

Huge red lyrium abominations flooded the area. Their rage was tangible, and being fed by the red lyrium.

I was tasked with arming the trebuchet, which had to be done in segments, between the waves of enemies. We finally were able to fire. A second avalanche rumbled down into the valley.

And then, a lull. We had to head back to the gates. Things were starting to get desperate. On our way, we found the forgemaster trying to get into his cabin to gather essential supplies. We stopped to help him break down the door. He was safe.

We made it back to the gates and were ushered into the village by Cullen. We had to make our way up to the Chantry, as it was the only sturdy building we had. Along the way, we heard the cries of townspeople in trouble… trapped in the burning cabins. 

We fought through the soldiers that had infiltrated the barricades. I tried to flit in and out of the buildings to assess how to help those trapped. Blackwall had to break down a few doors, and we had to step through the burning wreckage, but we managed to help a lot of people.

Tragically, we couldn’t help all of them...

We hurried to the Chantry. This was a complete mess… an utter nightmare. But we were safe for the moment, at least long enough to try to regroup and devise a better plan.

Roderick had been mortally wounded. Cole told us he had tried to stop a templar, and took the brunt of his blade. Roderick spoke weakly, about a possible escape route he knew of, having made a special Chantry pilgrimage. It was a tenuous strategy, but it was something.

I thought to offer myself to save the village, but didn’t say anything along those lines. Instead, I asked if Cullen could get everyone out through the Chantry’s secret path.

And therein, lay the plan. My group would hold off the advances, distract them, while the others were led to safety. They would signal me, and I would set off a trebuchet to bury this Elder One’s forces once and for all.

I thanked Roderick, something I never thought I’d do, and he thanked me in return, and offered his faith in me. My heart lifted. 

I gave everyone a final grateful nod. If something went wrong, if I didn’t make it back… I wanted them to know that I was in their debt.

The four of us made our way back out to the trebuchets, fighting pockets of enemies along the way. We worked together immensely well. 

The main trebuchet was armed. We did not fire it. It was our back up. I wished they would hurry, both so that I knew when to attack, and that I knew they were to safety.

Suddenly… an enormous dragon flew over head. I told my team to run. Immediately.

The dragon rained fire down on us and I lost my footing. A trebuchet nearby exploded. Before I could get back to my feet, I realized that I was alone. The dragon’s fire had carved a wall between my companions and I. They ran to safety, looking back helplessly.

The dragon landed and roared at me. It did not attack. It would have killed me if it had.

I lifted my head slowly, reeling from the pain of being blown off my feet.

Through the flames walked a horrid, mangled beast. The Elder One…? He watched me stumble to my feet.

I was done for.


	10. Blood Bridge (Part 2)

10.1 Blood Bridge  
As told by Varric and Solas

~Varric’s voice…~

They left the Herald to deal with Corypheus alone? What were they thinking?! She must have told them to run, so she could play hero. She was the selfless type. (Sigh)

How can that bastard, Corypheus, be alive? I helped KILL him! Sodding nug turd. If we get through this, I’ll have to write Hawke...

We lost a lot of good people trying to make it out of Haven. We’re going to lose more to grave wounds, burns,...probably despair…? We owe our lives to those who laid theirs down.

Everyone is panicking. Would the Herald make it out alive? Was she already dead? Would there be another way to seal the rifts if she didn't make it? Cullen resolved to signal her anyway, whether she was dead or not. A good plan, because if she did live to see it, she could take out the armies swarming the valley. Solas seems especially distraught. I thought to talk to him about it, since I could tell he cared about her.

I approached him quietly, as we were making our way through the valley.

“Hey…” I said solemnly. I gave him a sympathetic look. “How are you faring?”

Solas looked down at me, a look of dread on his face, but said nothing.

“She’ll be okay...” I said quietly, but immediately felt bad for making promises that I had no idea how to keep.

“I failed her.” He sighed quietly. “I failed everyone.”

“Hey, now. We don’t know what happened to her. She’s a brave lady. Resourceful, too. Don’t give up on her so easily.”

“I appreciate your concern, but now is not an appropriate time. I do not wish to condemn her to her fate by uttering false promises to the sky. Please, let’s not speak of her right now.” 

“I understand. I’m holding my breath, too.” I said, acknowledging his point.

“...But thank you for thinking of me, Varric....” He added suddenly, taking a deep breath.

I nodded in silence and kept up with him. I was going to keep him company. I could hope for the best, but Solas was right. Best leave it to the Maker. I’d be here for him if the worst did happen.

In the background, I could hear Cullen telling his men to send up a flare. 

We were safe. 

...Was she?


	11. Hope has Fled (Part 3)

10.2 Hope has Fled  
As told by Solas

Fenedhis! What is wrong with me? Thinking that I could get away with letting Esviya lead me to my forgiveness. Making her bear the responsibility for my mistake. After everything I had done wrong. She should have known the truth from the start! I have been so selfish. 

I feel abysmal. I am abysmal. She was a sweet girl. Doing what she thought was the right thing. I made her a victim of my actions. She is taking the fall for me. I should be the one out there, alone… facing down the Elder One. 

For a time, I believed her to be a blessing… upon the land, upon the Inquisition… upon me. I believed her to have been sent as a sign that I would soon be forgiven. I am such a dismal fool. I placed her in danger. I placed EVERYONE in danger. I had given her fate to despair in the same way I had given up the Orb. I had to take something back...

If, by some miracle, she makes it out alive, I swear that I will tell her the truth. I can’t bear the pain of carrying this secret any longer. I cannot pretend any longer. And I can’t let it harm her again.


	12. Kindling the Embers (Part 4)

10.3 Kindling the Embers  
As told by Cassandra, Solas and Esviya

~Esviya’s voice…~

He was after the ‘Anchor’. The Mark. He could have killed me, but he did not. All he wanted to do was listen to himself speak about the glorious plans he had to ‘assault the heavens’, that I had spoiled; about how I stolen the Anchor by ‘mistake’. Corypheus tried to remove the anchor from my hand, but it was there permanently. Which was a great relief to me. Such a prideful, repugnant fool. But he said he would start his quest to enter the Fade again, through different means, and that was worrisome.

I kept him talking, indulging his self-absorbed speech, guarding myself with a sword I had found near the armed trebuchet he had thrown me against, until I saw the flare go up from across the valley. He was not going to have time to kill me. My entourage was safe. It was now time to end his bluster.

“You expect me to fight, but that’s not why I kept you talking… Enjoy your victory! Here’s your prize!” 

I moved swiftly, kicking the trigger to the arm of the trebuchet, while he and his dragon stood in utter disbelief and confusion. The trebuchet launched, initiating a massive avalanche that would surely destroy Haven. I had to run. As fast as I could.

Things could have turned out a lot worse, and I do not deny that I was fearful during this encounter. But the entire time I was thinking of the night before, out under the stars with Solas. I thought of his nose on my cheek, his breath on my neck, the gentle words he whispered to me… that he would be thinking of me, and wishing for my safety... 

...I would make it back to them, no matter what. I would make it back, because it was my duty. I could not leave this world to Corypheus. The Inquisition was the only thing standing in his way.

The snow overtook Haven. It overtook me. I was thrown down an old mining shaft. This would be an impossible, lonesome journey. But it was my journey. I gathered my will, as I was swallowed by the cold.

~Solas’ voice…~

She had been thought dead for many hours now. Even after the avalanche at Haven, the final response to our call for her. It was almost certain that we had lost her. I tried reaching out to her in the Fade. Nothing…

Varric had kept me company. I appreciated his consideration, but things were grim. Our group was in shock and denial. There was bickering amongst the higher-ups. Frustration, sadness, anger, confusion, pain… and grim acceptance… all in equal measure. 

But they kept sending out scouts. Cassandra and Cullen were making sure they did everything in their power to find her. Desperate acts, fool’s errands, but ones that I approved of greatly.

We were lost, vulnerable, crippled and without our defender-- our heroine. Despair was everywhere, but none-so-much as the despair that dwelled in the hole that was created in my heart. 

I had not realized how highly I regarded her, until she had been lost to me. She was a gentle soul. Beautiful, kind and graceful. Her intellect was elegant, and delicate. I was given a gift by having the opportunity to meet her. To get to know her…

I was a complete and utter fool for lying to her. She should have been apprised of what she was up against, and why she was up against it. She should have known that I was the fool who gave Corypheus his power.

I could not express this to anyone now. Not even Varric, and he was one of the most understanding people I have met. I thought to confide in to Mother Giselle, with whom I knew Esviya to be close - but decided that I was safer keeping this pain to myself.

Cassandra, Cullen and Leliana approached Varric and I.   
“We are leaving to look for the Herald. Please watch over the people while we are gone. You two, Josephine and Mother Giselle are in charge.” Cassandra breathed frantically, and turned on her heel to leave without waiting for us to answer.

“Ven’(garas) ma’ enansal (on your efforts)…” I thought calmly.

We nodded in synchrony, Varric and I. As we did, the wind picked up, and the mountain storm got more vicious. Wonderful, I had just cursed them! I should stop thinking about this. All I am is trouble.

I looked to Varric, who got up with me, and we trudged across the snow to one of the tents. I needed to lay my head down for a bit. Otherwise, I would be racked with endless sorrow.

***

~Esviya’s voice…~

It was so cold. So incredibly cold. My vision was white. My breath was non-existent. A chilled wind was howling. The snow was coming down in sheets. And it was starting to to get dark out. 

But I was alive… as far as I knew. I couldn’t tell anymore. I was so tired. I wanted to sleep. But I remember being told that if I had to ask myself "Am I alive?", the answer was always "yes."

"...We can’t afford to lose you to hypothermia, Herald…” Solas’ voice from the night before reminded me. At that, I steeled my resolve. I would light myself aflame, if it meant warming myself up and getting me to my kin. I had to...

In the distance… I saw a campsite. Nothing... But then, a little further ways down, I found another. Embers... Signs of life… I trudged over to it… there were embers still burning. Were they recent? Had they been lit to guide me?

Just a few more feet. If I could get just a few more feet…

I could feel them searching for me. I thought I heard their voices, too. And a dog howling? No, more than one.

“There! It’s HER!” Cullen came around a ledge right as I collapsed to my knees.

“THANK THE MAKER!” Cassandra’s voice was a welcomed sound in my mind. Everything was a white haze, but I remember last, the sound of her voice granting me permission to collapse into sleep.

“Hurry! We must get her back to camp!” Cullen’s voice swirled outside of me before I drifted off…

 

***

~Solas’ Voice~

There were no words that could express my gratitude for the efforts that were being made to find Esviya. Things got eerily silent at the makeshift camp, as though everyone had accepted her fate. 

I was not lucky enough to know where I stood. I was vacillating between hope and defeat. As I slept, I called out to her in the Fade. I did not expect an answer. I told myself I would stop, but I couldn’t bring myself to do so.

“Solas, wake up!” Cullen’s voice broke my slumber. “We need that bed. We've found her. She’s alive.”

What?! It took a moment for me to awaken, as I thought it a cruel trick within my dream. My heart was racing, screaming in my chest. My eyes opened, and I saw them. Cassandra, Cullen, Leliana… and the Herald. She was carried by one of the soldiers.

“Of course!” I cried, gratefully, and removed myself from the bed so that she could take my place.

“Can you get us some blankets, Solas?” Cassandra asked me. “We need to warm her up.”

“Of course…” I said, again. “I’ll return in a moment!” I got to my feet and ran across the way to another tent, and found three warm blankets. I carried them back to the the others.

“She's breathing?” I asked with concern.  
“Yes. Slow and shallow.” Cullen said. “Her heart is pumping wildly and irregularly. We caught her just as she passed out in the cold.” 

I thought of what I had said to Esviya the other night about ‘not dying of hypothermia’ and a wave of guilt swept over me. I watched them as they dressed her in the blankets. She was out cold, and on the verge of turning blue, but I started to sense her awareness coming back.

She was incredible! Like a trick candle. She kept coming back. Her flame would not go out, no matter how many times others thought they had quelled it. Perhaps she was harellan, like me…? She was a mystery, an enigma... Her resilience and tenacity were downright inspiring.

“May I help look after her?” I asked quietly.  
“It might not be a good idea.” Leliana said. “She needs to sleep. And you’ve taken care of her twice already.”

My heart sank. “Alright,” I nodded quietly. I would find another way to watch over her. “Is there a free bed? I need to rest as well.”  
“Yes, there are a couple free cots in the next tent. But, Solas, please do not disturb her…” Leliana beseeched me, knowing, probably, what I was going to attempt to do.  
“You needn’t worry, Sister… I know what needs to happen. But please, let me know when she is awake.”  
“Of course we will.” Cassandra nodded. “You’ll be the first to know.”  
“Thank you.” I bowed my head slightly. “Dareth shiral, lethallan.” I whispered quietly under my breath, just quiet enough so that I knew no one, but her, had heard me.

***

~Enansal’s voice~

...Voices echoed above me. I didn’t know where I was, or how I had gotten there. There was shouting, frustrated shouting, in the background.

I felt a warmth start to gather on my back. I had felt it only once in my life before. I could not describe it any better than a ‘guardian light’-- a force that held no shape, and that sought to protect me. I knew I was vulnerable, I just didn’t know how… or why…

But this light, it warmed me, helped me to find my breath.  
I could faintly smell elfroot tea…

Was it him? Was he here… with me?

My heartbeat began to feel steady in my chest, my breaths became deeper. I was starting to make cohesive thoughts again. The light enveloped me, cradled me. Made me feel safe.

It was the same feeling I had had while I was recovering in Haven in those first nights after the Conclave explosion. A sense of peace, like I was being looked after, and could rest without worry... 

He remained formless, and spoke no words, but I knew he wouldn’t abandon me. Then, I thought I saw a shape-- an elegant white wolf, sitting faithfully and attentively by my side. I was so thankful he was there with me. His concern meant so much…

I tried to form words for him-- to show him that I understood. 

“Ma... serannas, ma fen’elgar. Ir…. isala, ma’falon.” I pulled words from my memory of my night under the stars, hoping that that would be enough to show him that I knew I was safe.

The wolf blinked at me twice, then lowered its muzzle in great deference. I gave a respectful nod in return. 

With that, I closed my eyes, feeling the fear fleeing from my body, as Fen’Falon remained with me until I finally awoke...

 

***  
~Cassandra’s Voice~

I couldn’t dare to explain what had happened that night in the valley. It was… incredible? Magical? No… no words could adequately describe it in my mind. And come to think of it, I am not sure I would want them to. 

We were weathered, tired, wounded, scared… and holding our breaths - suffocating. The Herald had become more to us than any could imagine. She was brilliant. Inspiring. Kind. Intelligent. Capable. And that bastard, Corypheus tried to take her away from us! 

That night, I followed Cullen’s lead, mostly. After he saw the avalanche get triggered, I watched him as he paced back and forth, praying. I started to get impatient, and finally suggested that we go look for her ourselves. Our scouts were fanning out slowly back toward Haven, but I thought, perhaps, that the two of us going on our own might have produced better results. I approached Leliana with the idea on the way out, and she agreed that we had to do something more than just sit around and hope.

Solas seemed to have been particularly gripped by worry. He and the Herald had become closer, I had heard, and it read all over Solas’ face that night. Varric was watching over him at the moment. It was good of him to do so. If I had not been heading out, I would have stopped to comfort him as well… or tried, at least. I know I can be matter-of-fact, and not always consoling. But it’s the intent that matters, is it not?

As we turned to leave them, I thought I heard a whisper. A phrase that I did not recognize caught my ear - except… I didn’t actually hear it being said. It sat there quietly while we searched for her. I repeated it to myself, regardless of the fact that I didn’t know what it was or what it meant - so as to make sure I preserved it. It became a mantra.

We did not have to travel far before we found her. Cullen spotted her first. I could not believe it. She had made it all this way… in the cold! It was impossible. But she had made it possible.

She was shivering, dazed… Her armor must have been making her colder. A soldier passed us as we turned around and offered to help carry her back to camp.

We arrived to find those gathered facing us. They all wanted to make sure that we were safe. Solas and Varric had fallen asleep next to each other. It was quite precious to see them bonding over this moment, despite how upsetting the moment was. 

I felt bad that I had to wake them. She needed to be comfortable, however, and Solas had curled up in the only relatively comfortable spot we had.

He was so relieved when he saw we had returned, successful, and gazed upon her with grateful eyes. 

While she slept, Cullen, Leliana, Josephine and I began to fight. Not about anything in particular, really. When I think about it, we were mostly panicked and arguing to blow off steam. We were all exasperated and exhausted. But we had at least, some time to rest.

The singing in the valley that night… I was so uplifted. I will never forget it.

 

***

~Esviya’s voice~

I awoke in a makeshift camp somewhere in the Frostbacks. Mother Giselle was sitting with me, and probably saw me stir many times. We spoke about what I had learned from Corypheus. I could not believe I was alive. I don’t think anyone else could, either.

But I was not convinced that I was anything more than a false promise. He had gotten into my head more than I had realized...

It was difficult to remember how hard I had fought to make it to this moment. I remembered how important this cause was to me now… Being surrounded by people who believed in me… at this moment, made me feel more lost than ever. I didn’t know what to do… I didn’t know where to go… when they cast their eyes upon me, I felt helpless. Useless. 

I wished I had some belief to cling to. I even thought to pray to the Elven gods… but they had never heard my voice before. Who’s to say they would listen to me now…? I shut my eyes and cobbled together, in my mind, words I thought sounded like prayer. I noticed that the arguing around me fell silent...

Elgar’en, ma’dirth melana...  
Ar bel’ bora melava, tel’ma’vir.  
Emma dar’falon El’vhenan’en, ara’val bel’tel’sulevinin.  
Ma’harel garas ma’vhenanin.  
Ar isala na’enansal.  
Na’halani, ma serannas...

~~~

Spirits, I call to you now...  
I have lost much, and I do not have a path.  
I guide these hearts on a long journey, with much uncertainty.  
Fear has come into my heart.  
I am in need of your blessing.  
For your help, I thank you...

 

~~~  
I waited a moment, thinking, foolishly, that perhaps I’d get a sign immediately. Of course, it’s never that simple. I am not practiced at prayer - I lack the patience. 

I stood up to look out on the wastes that we called a camp. Snow everywhere. I couldn’t even tell which way was North. I was alive… I was awake… but I never felt more helpless in my life.

After a moment of observing me, Mother Giselle stood up and walked to my side.

Her eyes were closed, head bowed, as she sang. We all stopped what we were doing to listen. New voices joined her, every few lines. The mood in the camp was transforming. They were not beaten. Nor was I. 

It was inspiring. I felt a tear slide down my cheek. It was one of the most beautiful displays I’ve witnessed - in my life, I think. My heart swelled with pride, and relief. Our purpose was renewed.

 

***

~Solas’ Voice~

I knew Esviya was awake, but still I kept my distance. Ir isala, ma’falon… She knew I had visited her. She had figured it out. Cole had been too obvious. I had to make her forget.

As I lifted my hand to do so, I was stopped. I heard whispers on the wind, telling me to be still. A familiar voice, one I trusted, spoke to me. 

...She values you.   
And she values your moments with her.  
If she knows you, let her know,  
and be proud of your impact on her.   
If she does not, let her believe.  
Do not take that from her.   
Do not tear down what you have built with her.   
She needs you, and will not bring you harm.  
But you must bring her to safety.  
You know where to turn… 

I backed down, humbled by her. I had not heard from her in a very long time. Her voice held a wisdom that I could not match, one I respected greatly. I had not known that she was watching...

I could not deny that I valued Esviya in return. Very highly, as a matter of fact. I turned to watch Esviya stand to face the camp. She was worn, tired… I could sense her pain. There was a piece of her that was missing. It was so obvious, I could feel it from across the camp.

A voice began to sing, as if knowing this could heal the intangible pain. It belonged to the Revered Mother. As the slow verses rang out into the desolate valley, more and more voices joined. Even I started to listen. 

The people… they believed in her. In our darkest hour, after everything we had witnessed, everything we had been through together, they believed that she could deliver us.

This is why I would - why I will never find happiness. I give in too easily. I am too full of dread. I always had faith in her… but when she had disappeared, I let her go. It was like I had never met her. It was the same reason that Corypheus now has his power.

It was time for me to learn my lesson. I resolved to find her and start telling her the truth. I resolved that I would change my fate. And I would help her stop Corypheus. The first piece was to reveal the origin of the Orb. The rest of the truth, I promised myself, would follow soon.

***

~Esviya’s voice~

With a fledgling sense of faith renewed in the camp, I briefly turned my thoughts to Solas. I had not seen him since we got separated in Haven. Thinking of him had kept me alive. I did not see him around camp. I wondered where he was. I wished to thank him.

He swept me up like the wind. I didn’t even see him coming. 

“A word?” He said as he strode past me, beckoning me with a slight nod.

I turned to him and followed. He had a confidence in him that I had not ever seen.  
He led me to a secluded area and lit a torch with his magic. I was curious as to what this might be about.

“The humans have not raised one of our own so high for ages beyond counting.” Solas began. “Her faith is hard won lethallin, worthy of pride… save one detail…-”

This… was the first time I had ever heard him use the word ‘our’, when referring to the Elvhen. What had changed in him? Whatever it was, it was good to know that he counted me among common blood.

“- the threat Corypheus wields… the orb he carried? It is ours. Corypheus used the orb to open the Breach. Unlocking it must have caused the explosion that destroyed the Conclave.” Solas took a breath. “We must find out how he survived… and we must be prepared for their reaction when they learn that the orb is of our people.”

I cocked my head slightly. “All right. What is it, and how do you know about it?” I asked.

He explained to me that our people had used orbs such as those to channel the power of the ancient Elven Gods. He called them ‘foci’. I had never heard of such things. He said that they were mostly relics found in ruins, and in far remnants of the Fade. But they were powerful, and threatened ‘the heart of human faith’.

“Even if we defeat Corypheus, they’ll find a way to blame Elves.” I sighed.

“I suspect you are correct. It is unfortunate, but we must be above suspicion to be seen as valued allies.” 

He was right, of course. I could only control my actions - what people said about the Elvhen after they learned about the truth of the Orb was far out of my control. It was good to be reminded that I couldn’t please everyone. It kept me grounded, and eased my burden slightly.

Solas had an idea of what to do next. He told me that he could help, and had something to show us at dawn. For the night, we would all finally rest, and summon our strength for the journey to come, knowing that we had escaped Corypheus’ grasp for the time being.


End file.
